The Year of Saying "No."

Last October 2017, my mom called me first thing in the morning with a report of my dad’s strange behavior. All signs pointed to a stroke, so I called 911 to send an ambulance to their home and get him to the ER. Not knowing the prognosis, I immediately flew to DC to be with him.

We all experience this at some point, whether it’s a sick child or an aging parent… we’re thrust into navigating a new reality where the future is unknown. The finality of our time with a loved one comes into stark relief… and we want to cherish every minute. Sure, I know, we’re supposed to cherish every minute anyway, but life gets distracting and we neglect our intentions.

My dad returned home from the hospital 5 days later, but it was clear he needed more support in the house than my mother could provide. My sister and I got to work figuring out long-term care solutions.

And so began my year of saying no: when caring for my parents became the top priority, and keeping my business afloat was a distant second.

Previously, I said yes to just about everything. Want to network? Sure, I’ll meet for coffee. Take on a side project to help another organization? No problem. Speak at a conference? Just tell me when and where. If the day was open, I said yes. As an entrepreneur, I probably said yes more often because there’s always the fear that the phone would stop ringing tomorrow.

I benefited a lot from saying yes. I met new people and explored new opportunities.  I built new skills around working with different types of businesses. It gave me a chance to grow professionally and personally.

Ironically, I also missed out on a lot because I said yes so easily. I received a request one February to provide business coaching to a hair salon. True to “saying yes,” I obliged the request. Why not? I would learn about a new industry, get paid and my client load was light. Two weeks later, I was fully committed with ancillary projects, and the phone rang with a request to work with a farmer in Hudson Valley. I had to say “no” because I was now over-committed.

In my year of saying no: if I received a request that wasn’t perfectly aligned to my personal and business goals, I passed. Even if it was a perfect alignment, I said no if it required too much time or didn’t pay enough. Honestly, I just didn’t have the energy to do any more than the bare minimum for my business – my parents required all my focus. I pissed off a few people. When my dad went into the hospital the first time, I backed out of a speaking engagement for that weekend. I don’t think the organizer really believed my “excuse.” In March, I was asked to speak at the Urban Farming Conference. When I realized they couldn’t pay me, I said no. I’d rather spend the weekend with my parents. I don’t think I’ll be asked to speak at that conference again!

It’s been a challenging year for both my parents, with several more trips to the hospital and lots of adjustments. They both now walk with canes. Things have improved from the low-points of the year, but they still need full-time help in the house.

Ignoring my business as I did can be scary – will I earn enough revenue? Will the phone keep ringing and email buzzing? With all this saying “no,” I expected to see a precipitous drop in income. Much to my surprise, profits increased by 40%!

To be sure, I wasn’t working 40% more hours. But I focused my energy more thoughtfully on the projects I took on and how I spent my time. In a lot of ways, it’s been an exciting year professionally. I’m working with businesses on the cutting edge of their industries: including a cannabis farm and a hydroponic fish and vegetable operation. Because I said no, I was available to say yes for these projects.

Of course, there are lessons here for business owners regardless of your commitments outside of work. Learning to say “no” is about figuring out what’s best for you and your business.

1. Don’t apologize
By the nature of my profession, I want to help people. When I receive a request to provide coaching to a struggling entrepreneur, it’s hard to say no.  But sadly, there just isn’t enough time to say yes to every request (even if it were the year of saying yes).  If you are direct – none of that wishy-washy, “let me see…” when you really mean, “no” – kind and true to yourself, then there’s no need to feel guilty or apologize.

One mantra I’ve taken on: “If there’s no harm in asking, there’s no harm in saying no.” People will always ask for more than you can give; after all – what’s the harm in asking? People may be disappointed when you say no. But that’s their problem, not yours.

2. Cultivate habits to work with efficiency and focus. 
I’ve been surprised at how much I’ve accomplished in the past year. In part, this is because I said no more often, but also weaving in habits that promote productivity.

A few examples:

3. Know your values and vision.
Certainly, in my year of saying no, I did say yes to some things.  Unlike a restaurant that takes any reservation until they are booked, I said no to many opportunities because I wanted to make sure I was available for the things that mattered most to me.Deciding when to say no – or rather, when to say yes – depends on what you value and the vision you have for your business.  For my business, working with hair salons is not in my vision, so that’s an easy “no.”

4. Remember the basics of your business
Many opportunities will come along that do align with your vision – like selling produce at a new farmers’ market or taking on a new wholesale account. Recognizing that you can’t say yes to everything, it helps to understand where you earn the most profits. Which markets, products or sales channels are most profitable? Focus on saying yes there.

“The Year of Saying No” has been an interesting experiment. And while I’ve settled into the new routine with my parents, I’ve learned some new skills and work habits that I want to keep… even as I start to say yes again.